2010 is a surprise year already. I knew well that things were going to be different and even hard at some points, but once again I was surprised and, lately, surprises are not very nice to me. My "aunt" died in a horrendous car crash. She was also my mum's best friend and the funiest person I have ever met. It was, as every accident, very unexpected and caught us all. She had gone through so many diseases and heart problems that we could never imagine that she was going to die that way. From all that, the only thing we can be sure of is that we are going to die one day and we cannot change that.
It is been pretty hard to handle with her death mostly for my mum and it is hard for me to see her suffering and not being able to help. Some of you might say: But you ARE able to help. Go and talk to her, confort her, do something. Those who know me are aware that I am not the most appropriate person to confort or consolate someone in those cases. I just HATE and FEAR death with all my heart. And I would complain about her death instead of...mourning about it. I know it might not make any sense to you, but it is...just hard for me to deal with it. And you know what pisses me off the most? I We keep living my our life lives like it lasted forever. We can never know for sure when our mum is going to die, our father, our brother or sister, our best friend. We can never know when WE are going to die. I am a very practical person and living with that constant dbout just make me lose some brain cells.
Changing but not completely the subject...
What can make us so BITTER?
I have been so bitter lately. I think it is because all the coming back home thing is getting on my nerves and making me just..lose my mind. It is not easy to spend 10 months of your life, living the life that YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED FOR YOU and then come back. It just...does not feel like home. And I have been hiding my feelings and complaints for such a long time that now everything has come to the surface and it is NOT beautiful and pleasant. At the same time that I want to study and fight for what I WANT, I feel so selfish and greedy. My mum has done every single thing she could all her life just for me, and most of the time I am just an ARSEHOLE and bring her pain. And what makes me the ANGRIEST is the fact that I RECOGNIZE and I am grateful for everything she has done so far but I just cannot make it clear so she can see I am. And you know WHAT? It is time to make it different. I am ready to take the plunge and do something to make it different. If she cannot see that I love her and I am proud of what she has done, than it is my DUTY to make her see, my obligation. Everyone likes to know that what they have done was helpful somehow to someone, and I am not going to take that from her.As I have said before, We will never know for sure when death will take us so
IT IS TIME TO MAKE DIFFERENT,
THE TIME IS NOW.
5 comentários:
I think that.. Bom é melhor usar minha língua habitual para não cometer gafes...Então, até que eu entendi algumas coisas e...
Bom essa parada de morrer e tals, é super complicad, eu não sei e nem vou conseguir nunca lidar com a morte, por isso acho que a gente deve viver feliz o máximo de tempo que a gente puder, fazer amigos, ajudar os outros, dançar, cantar, pular, beber pq um dia isso tudo acaba! Just live your life, êê êê êê -q beeeeeijos Dricka, arrasou! ;*
hahahaha obrigada pelo coment mari fofa :) eu concordo com tudo o que você disse aí, TUDO hehe (6)
SO LIVE YOUR LIFE êê êê êê !! hahaha
beijo grande, quem arrasa é você :*
botei mta fé nos seus textos mãae
e concordo com a sua amiga q vc tem q aproveitar o maximo a sua vida, dar valor pra quem ta ao seu lado
eeee..
live your life ê ê êe êe
ahahahaha
bjao
ahazoou mtoo! eu amo esses pensamentos de começo de ano.. principalmente quando eles se realizam! o melhor de tudo é olhar as coisas lá da frente, e ver que o que vc planejou deu certo! E sabe quem é responsável por isso? só vc.. :) dizem que a vida é uma peça de teatro, mas o que esquecem de dizer é que você é a atriz principal E diretora! você é quem decide o caminho que você vai fazer, e mudá-lo quando vc percebe que está errado, só depende de vc..
então ARRASA nesse 2010 drickaa! pode ter certeza que eu to na torcida, e lá na frente vou olhar pra tras junto contigo pra gente ficar feliz pelas mudanças! :D
*****:
aniiiiiinha liiiiiiinda, quase chorei sem brincadeira :'D
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